The Finely Roasted Beast

The Finely Roasted Beast Today I am kinda mad at myself, I told myself that this week I would quit coffee, but I had one again today (even after drinking two yesterday and saying that it was my last day!) The thing is, that it wasn’t even that great! Peer pressure. Someone saying that it’s nice to just enjoy a little something yum everyday (true) that we need these things in our life (true), that one cup a day wont kill ya! (possibly true…haha) But I made a commitment! And then I went and threw it on the ground!


It is true though, for some people coffee is ok, but for others it isn’t. I have IBS and my tummy immediately began to grumble disgruntingly when I drank the coffee, also my heart started to palpitate – not a great sign! Note to research more on coffee!*** And why can’t my little yummy treat be organic, full fat, lactose free hot cacao!? DAMNIT?! haha. And as a treat, say 3x a week, instead of daily.


I know it doesn’t seem like a massive deal that I had one cup and its not like I made a health commitment to the whole wide world, but I made a commitment to myself, my health, my attempt at loving and caring more for myself, wanting to improve myself and to be empowered instead of dependant. I guess that’s what disappointing most of all, but I shall forgive myself and begin a new! RIGHT NOW! Committed? The thing is I tend to make health commitments all the time and then spot a piece of raw, gf, refined sugar free cake and go “Oh I’ll start tomorrow!” (the bloody cake isnt even that damn healthy!) Or I’ll have a really bad day and just say “ugh stuff it! I’m not even happy when I’m skinny!” and then stuff myself with nuts, tahini, pumpkin and coconut cream. All of which are ‘healthy’ but in excess…well these hips don’t lie! (and my happiness should not be based on the amount of fat on my thighs!) I know most people would look at me and want to punch me in the face, or at least slap me with a glove and challenge me to a duel. I-challenge-you-to-a-duel I have a nice-ish body. But you see, I am a perfectionist and I see the teeeeeeniest-tiiiiniest and not so tiny dimple-y flaws. I see the potato bake and the corn chips…right there, left butt cheek. I’m not after some kind of unrealistic ideal though I believe, I see women who do look really fit and trim all the time, I want that for myself, I want to feel energetic, invigorated, on track and in control but only if it is healthy and sustainable – NOT just a flash in the ol pan. These time-limit-get-hot-ass-cheeks-now doesn’t work! It needs to be sustainable in the long run! Don’t Sweat It? I exercise, a lot. Dancing for 1-2hours a day 4x or more a week, it’s not chronic cardio or anything. I also occasionally do weights, aiming for 1-3x per week for 1.5 hours. Usually its one stint and then its such a lot of time and exertion that I give up and don’t do it for another 2 weeks until the fat comes crawling back and I reluctantly grab the weights. Shouldn’t this be easier? Once I was following this program – Michelle Bridges “How to lose the Last 5 kilos”. I did lose the last 4-5kg of fat, though perhaps also muscle, by counting calories religiously, eating only 1200cal per day and exercising 6x a week for roughly 45-1.5hrs. I did it for a month….then fell back into old habits. I’m not gonna lie, I did feel pretty good, damn I looked good too! For the first time the fat on my tummy that is ALWAYS there was actually gone, like GONE! AMAZING! I was trim! Sigh…if only I could count calories my whole life and exercise religiously! Is this really what it takes? hqdefault I think these kinds of programs don’t set you up for success. It’s like it gives you the body you’ve always dreamed of, but only if you can push yourself to the limits for 30 days. Who can honestly say they have the time to count calories each and every single day? And gym that much? I don’t even have a full-time job and I find it difficult enough. One cannot keep that up for a lifetime unless one is a fitness god of some sort. What am I missing here? Research the research… So I’m digging around and apparently its 80% diet, 20% exercise…where did this stat come from and why the hell have I not been listening to it? Now questions come flooding in, “am I eating too much fat?” – “what fat am I eating too much of? – “Is it the coffee, the milk, the cheese the stress, the bad sleeping patterns?”. “Why can’t I seem to keep control of myself and instead ride this roller coaster body image monster all the damn time?” WHY!? I want to find out why and fix it! The Blue or the Red Pill? As you are all well aware, we are somewhat like those poor geese in France – foie gras – force fed information until our little brains can’t take it anymore and they EXPLODE! …well perhaps not that dramatic, but you know what I mean! It’s so hard to know which exercise program to choose, who to trust, who not to trust, now they say butter is good, tomorrow they say its bad! Who are these people and who keeps changing the damned rules!? Its painful to the point that I’ve considered sitting in the corner and just eating leaves whilst rocking back and forth. But what kind of ass-kickin-hero would I be if I did that? I shall valiantly take up my sword  (apparently I have a sword now) and I shall battle the foes of fad diets and exercise nutbags until I find my hero’s path!  It’s not going to be easy and by george it will probably take a heck of a long time, but often the hardest journey’s are the best! (or you know, that kinda shizz). So here’s to health and discovering what the heck is going on here. Zee Quest Begins! MY BIG FAT HEALTH COMMITMENT (haha big fat health..haha)

  • I shall commit first and foremost to LOVE myself by taking care of my needs – great nutrition, exercise, sleep, play and purpousful activities. BAM. And if I happen to slip and fall, I shall give myself a nice big hug and say ‘there there, at it again little one, you can do it, don’t give up on yourself!’

Well..I don’t really think there’s more to it then that right? Could all of this be summed up in “love thyself?” 558199101509187468524411750144278n Preach it! Also check out this blog post and the picture – hits the nail on the head! ( I Want You! I want you to JOIN ME! (I promise its not a cult). For you, joining could simply mean reading this blog and chuckling quietly to yourself, for others it could mean commenting, for some it could mean taking up the “loving thyself” pledge too and focusing on what you can do FOR YOU and thus also influence those around you. Yet for more it could be sharing your story with me and others. I want to build a community of people who are passionate about taking care of themselves and of each other. But wait there’s S’mores! I love reading articles on Mark’ Daily Apple – and also Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar website – I don’t personally know these people (I wish I did!) But I believe they really are trying to do a good thing and until I believe otherwise I’m going to take what they say with a grain of salt (cause we all need to be questioning/learning for ourselves too). Their books are reasonably priced and they give out LOADS of free information on health, exercise and all the nitty gritty stuff. – They too advocate for the less is more approach to exercise and they don’t have any ass-kickin-whip-lashing type mentalities, which I like. On Mark’s blog there is an opportunity to start your own 30 day health kick thingo. I attempted to start it a few times, but it didn’t work out so well. Going to get his book, read it and then re-attempt this challenge. With IQS I am ordering Sarah’s original book and deliberating if I will sign on to her June Program of the IQS sugar free thing. Will keep you all updated. For now thanks for reading and starting this exciting journey with me! Let’s go make capes with carrots on them! Health Warrioooor! (haha…so lame but funny) seeforevergirl x little-girl-dancing


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