This year I moved to Melbourne and did an acting course, which was one of the best things that I’ve ever done, but now it is over which is sad, but it’s time for another chapter in my life. Now I’m off to Sydney. The great ocean, the hills, the blue skies and the acting opportunities calls me there.
This year things changed a lot for me. I moved to a whole new city, knowing no one and threw myself into a crazy, hectic acting course. I couldn’t dance as much as I was used to, I let my health backslide, I still ate reasonably well, but indulged in pizza, toasties and corn chips way too often to mitigate stress and well loneliness too. Had non-existent lunch breaks which equated to shoveling food into my mouth quickly, stress eating, drinking coffee to stay awake or stave off anxiety and little time to make good food/think clearly. CUE BAD HABITS EATING CRAZY LITTLE EXERCISE SITTING IN-FRONT OF LAPTOP FREEZING MY BUTT OF AND WISHING FOR CLEAR BLUE SKIES DAMN YOU MELBOURNE.
So now that I am back in SUNNY warm QLD, I should have no excuse right? But other worries creep in. Finding an agent, dealing with the rejection, all this time and now what the hell do I do with it? What do I DO on a holiday in my hometown? Food available everywhere. Eat when I’m bored, depressed, anxious, alone, bored…its near Christmas time, eat some more! I don’t feel like exercising. The weight I gained from all my inactivity and crappy eating habits isn’t shifting and its been two weeks and BLAAAH breakdown eat vetkoek (it’s a South African treat literally translated to fat cake. Yes. Its risen dough, deep fried in vegetable oil. Its delicious. It’s so unhealthy. Body forgive me. I am but a weak sinner!)
I’ve begun reading and getting back into all my healthier ‘hero’s’ I shall call them. The old favorites. Sarah Wilson (from the I Quit Sugar craze) and Mark Sisson from Marks Daily Apple. Both kinda advocating for the same thing. I’ve always had difficulty with eating. I’ve never been a super overweight person, but I’ve struggled in accepting my body. In not eating my emotions. In exercising. That dreaded word for me. I now like to say ‘movement’ instead, because exercise has always seemed like such a chore. Going to the gym, going for a run, doing weights, CHORE.
Now I have to find something else I love doing that will help me move on a daily basis. It used to be dance, but my life has changed and unfortunately I cant get to classes everyday. Sarah’s personal blog has inspired me to do something simple, that doesn’t require a gym membership or having to drive to a nice park, but rather things that are right outside your door. And doing it for 30min a day and NOT to lose weight, but instead to feel good now! Get glowin skin, a clear head etc.
Like going for a run in your neighborhood, a swim in the sea (if you’re lucky to live close by or a local pool), a walk in your park, yoga classes that happen to be where you shop or work, cycling instead of driving – you get the drift. Now I’m gonna try it. I could force myself to work out like a mofo on a strict schedule and eat SUPER healthy but that won’t work in the long run. I’ll find myself with another vetkoek moment bawling my eyes out cause my thighs have gone all doughy and soft again and I hate myself.
Gentle, kindness is what I shall give myself, or attempt to anyway. I think finding outside group fitness activities such as handstand, cartwheeling, tag, dance, kung-fu, jumpy fun games! I shall find fellow fun-outside-people!
Goodnight for now.